I'm so fucking centered right now
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
