he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
