I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
