dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
