no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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