i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
