We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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