Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
