just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
