everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
