I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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