Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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