Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
