birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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