i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
