Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
did you just send me my own nude
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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