My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
