Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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