She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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