ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
