She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
