Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
