This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
