mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
