I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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