Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
