I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
