Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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