she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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