i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
