So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
