Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
