At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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