you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
