this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
