You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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