In America we eat man semen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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