i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
