It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
