I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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