Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
