found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
