In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
