I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
