Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
