just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
