I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
