I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
