just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
