she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
