isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
