Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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