just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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