i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
